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October 12, 2016

I suspect my coworker or employee is being abused at home, what should I do?

Latest posts by Atlantic Research Team (see all)
domestic violence
Domestic violence

Photo Credit: Wavebreak Media Ltd.

I mentioned last week that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, but it is also Domestic Violence Awareness month. Domestic violence is violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner.

I distinctly remember one night when I was living in the city, I heard my neighbors next door yelling at each other at around 3am on a weeknight. After listening in on what the screaming match was about (as nothing else could be heard at that hour, and it was right outside my bedroom window) I was able to conclude that it was a tiff among drunken family members. What disturbed me the most was that there was a woman yelling “you’re going to wake the kids!” as, sure enough, I started to hear some children’s sobbing from the bedrooms upstairs. It never turned violent (as far as I know), despite the “what are you going to do about it?” and the “fine, f*&^%ing hit me then!” But the whole scene was disturbing and heart-breaking to hear. I was relieved when the police came to mediate the issue. It saddens me that it gets to a point sometimes, where people living in the same home, physically hurt someone with whom they also exchange the words “I love you” with.

It’s really hard to be a third party looking in on suspected domestic violence. There’s a certain level of confidentiality we maintain with our coworkers and employees due to professionalism. But being that we spend so much time around them, we often find ourselves forming a closeness with them that forms a genuine concern for their health and well-being. That’s why, we become especially keen to changes in behavior and appearance. If you suspect that your coworker or employee may be being abused at home, here are the steps you should take:

DISCLAIMER: There is no way to tell for sure if someone is experiencing domestic violence. Those who are battered, and those who abuse, come in all shapes, sizes, colors, economic classes and personality types. Victims are not always passive with low self-esteem, and batterers are not always violent or hateful to their partner in front of others. Most people experiencing relationship violence do not tell others what goes on at home [1].

1. Know the signs

Domestic violence

Photo Credit: Daniela Brown/Flickr

According to the University of Michigan’s Stop Abuse initiative, the signs of domestic abuse are commonly:

Bear in mind that there could be a multitude of reasons why someone displays this behavior, not just through domestic violence. Additionally, know your company’s Employee Domestic Violence Policy and Procedure if they have one.

2. Approach them 

StopRelationshipAbuse.org [2] gives these pointers on approaching a coworker if you suspect they are being abused at home:

3. Be supportive

If your coworker decides to confide in you about the issue, it means they trust you with very delicate information. StopRelationshipAbuse.org [2] suggests these ways to show your support:

Additionally, here are some things you can say to show your support [2]:

Photo Credit: Iakov Filimonov/123RF

Photo Credit: Iakov Filimonov/123RF

Bottom line: While it’s easy to make assumptions and show your concern in a way that you may think is non-intrusive and well-intentioned, your coworker or employee knows more about the situation than you. Even if you’ve spoken about it, they have a level of understanding about their situation that you will never quite understand, and therefore, you can’t tell them what to do. The most you can do is show your concern, and let them know you care about them and support them. Assure them that if they ever need anything, then they can call on and trust you (and mean it!).

domestic violence

Photo Courtesy of Striveliving.com

References

“Early Warning Signs of Domestic Violence.” NewChoicesInc.Org. New Choices Inc., n.d. Web. 12 Oct. 2016.

Ray, Jaron, HotlineAdmin_MB, and Michelle. “Kathryn Robinson.” The National Domestic Violence Hotline. The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 11 Apr. 2013. Web. 12 Oct. 2016.

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